The Ultimate Football Season Starter Kit
Football season is finally here, and Jesus it could not come soon enough.
The Nats have done their best to ruin the Capitals mojo in this town, selling off several players in the last few weeks, even putting Bryce through revocable waivers. So for me, the baseball season might as well just go ahead and end today.
So now it’s all up to the Skins to continue the winning ways of the Caps and end my sports misery.
Just kidding. The Skins have already lost their brightest piece to an ACL tear, and odds are they will end up 7-9 or 8-8, cementing their status as BLAH.
But no matter which way it goes, my Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays and a couple Saturdays now have true meaning. And in honor of that, below is the Ultimate Football Fan Season Starter Kit ©.
Cell Phone Charger
Everyone has a cell phone, so it would have been a moot point to put that on this list. But what every one seems to always forget is a phone charger.
You’re gonna need that juice to get you through a long day of constantly checking your fantasy football scores. From last minute lineup changes before the early games, which can start at 9 am since the league loves those stupid London games, all the way to Sunday night football, your fantasy team(s) are a full time job.
Secondly, you’re going to need that phone to text your fellow blog founder and commiserate over every agonizing second of the Redskins game, sometimes inadvertently jinxing the outcome and ultimately hating yourself for getting your hopes up.
Also, as the true degenerates will understand, you’ll also need to have constant access to your bookie (person or website) to make a shit ton of halftime bets to try and recoup the first-half bet losers.
Bud Light and a Nice Scotch (or Bourbon)
This part is simple. Beer on Sundays (or Thursdays, or Mondays for that matter) is better in high volume. IPA’s and Pale Ale’s are great, don’t get me wrong. But during a long day of watching football and over-eating, I need something that can easily go down in high volumes. Hello, Bud Light.
As far as the second part goes, you always gotta be prepared for the success and times of bliss (no matter how rare). So when if the Skins win a few games and make a run towards the playoffs, or you are set up for a clean sweep across your fantasy football leagues, you’re going to need a nice night cap to enjoy in bliss. Get you a neat glass of Bulleit or Makers Mark, or perhaps some Glenlivet or Johnnie Walker Black, and soak in the rare euphoria of a successful week of football.
A Knife
For every peak there are at least 2 valleys. Or if you’re a Cleveland Browns fan, your season is just one bottomless pit of misery.
To accommodate the pain, you may need to gouge your eyes out, maybe even cut a mouthy Cowboys fan. Better keep your shiny, sharp tool of choice within reach on your football Sunday.
A Crock Pot
As I mentioned before, food is a VERY important part of Football Sundays. Pizza is the one seed (Buffalo Wings a close 2nd) when it comes to football cuisine, but its the lazy way out. The best days of the year are the Sundays in October when you have some chili simmering all day, completely prepared to be devoured in large quantities while you stress eat during the 4th quarter.
2 of Your Favorite Team Shirts or Jerseys
“But Jeff, wouldn’t you just need one favorite shirt to wear each and every Sunday?”
If you have read any of my other posts (you probably haven’t), you’ll know I’m a jinx guy. Along with the jinx comes many superstitions. The easiest way for me to convince myself that I have any influence in the outcome of my team’s games is by what shirt I’m wearing.
If things are going good, my Redskins win, I’m going to wear that Ryan Kerrigan jersey each and every week. But you better believe that at the first sign of trouble, the first loss or losing streak, that Kerrigan jersey is getting put away and I’m breaking out the Sean Taylor one.
It’s a scientific fact that if your team is winning and you change ANYTHING up in your Sunday routine, you have without a doubt ensured your team will lose the following week.
No matter how the season goes for your team, be prepared for it all. But more importantly, just be happy that football season is here, and Sundays are no longer reserved for honey-do’s and yard work.
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