It’s Fucking Dallas Week
It’s time. Skins vs. Cowboys. This is the most important week of the year, regardless of what the records are. It just so happens that this time it’s for first place in the NFC East. Anybody remember what happened last time we played for first place?
That’s right… The Redskins beat the Cowboys in Week 17 to win the 2012 NFC East Title. Alfred Morris went into absolute beast mode, and the Skins moved on the play the Seahawks on Wild Card Weekend. And everything went really great after that.
Skins/Cowboys is one of the best rivalries in the NFL. The reason it’s a great rivalry is because the Cowboys are the fucking worst, and everyone hates them. It doesn’t matter what team you root for, or what division they play in, you hate the Cowboys. Are you a Broncos fan? Yep, you hate the Cowboys too. They are insufferable, and I’m here to remind you why.
America’s Team
These Motherfuckers are America’s team just like Notre Dame is the premier college football program. It hasn’t been that way for 40 years, but old people love to believe it. Cowboys fans love to point out that they drive ratings. And sure, they do. For two reasons: 1) They play the 4:25 game or on SNF/MNF 90% of the time, meaning you don’t have another option, and 2) people really want to see them lose. Let’s stop pretending that people tune in because they love seeing this team play. They haven’t been legitimately good since 1996.
They Employ Terrible People
Greg Hardy. Dez Bryant. Randy Gregory. Pacman Jones. Michael Irvin (sniff sniff). La’el Collins.
The list goes on and on. And trust me, I left out plenty of names from the 80s/90s because you wouldn’t have recognized them.
The Fans
I have met exactly one Cowboys fan from Texas in my life. There’s a group of Redskins fans who tailgate at FedEx Field that bring a map of Texas with them to games. They proceed to ask Cowboys fans to point to the location of Cowboy’s Stadium. You’d be shocked at how few get it right.
I’m not the fandom police. I don’t think there should be rules to who you choose to root for. Root for the team that makes you happy. However, the amount of Cowboys fans living in the DMV is sickening, and it is a direct result of jumping on the bandwagon of a popular 90s team, trying to be cool by rooting for the hometown team’s rival, and being fixated on past success.
I mean seriously, how perfect is that picture? We all know a 100 of these people. Except at this point they have thrown away the Heat shorts, and acquired some Lakers gear. The only thing missing is a Duke headband.
That was probably a bit harsh. I know a lot of Cowboys fans who are really good people. My explanation of their fandom was just a generalization of a fan base I completely disagree with. If you’re reading this and we’re friends, I still love you.
Jerry Jones
He’s a smug asshole. That’s really all. You really believe this racist MF understands why he was kneeling?
The Media
The Cowboys could be 0-5 and beat the Browns, and there would be a 100% chance ESPN would have a segment called “Are the Boyz Back!?” Back to what? Being completely average and not winning payoff games?
The media slurps these guys, year after year. Two years ago I listed to Michael Irvin say Dez would be the NFL MVP. Didn’t really work out. Every week Skip Bayless tweets “THE COWBOYS ARE GOING TO WIN THE NFC EAST,” because apparently his Caps Lock is stuck. The HOT TAKES come out in full force when talking about the Cowboys. The media turns into a high school level drama club fiending for clicks. It’s embarrassing.
HTTR!
That was the best damn article that I have read in a long time. So True!!
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