New Year, New Me
For those of you higher thinking individuals, like myself, you will already know that 2019 is the year of the Pig in the Chinese Zodiac. This is big news.
In the most basic analysis, the year of the pig is a good one in the zodiac. It represents wealth, and the chubby face and big ears of the pig represent fortune. Sign. Me. Up.
They say the highest level of cognition involves seeing multiple layers in every situation and deducing truths based off of multiple sequences of invisible dots that are to be connected. (I made this up).
So with that said, I feel obligated to enlighten you all on why you should be excited about the year to come.
On the Surface
The last time is it was the year of the pig, it was 2007. Helluva year if I do say so myself.
The mortgage bubble bursted, Nancy Pelosi was elected speaker of the House, and the Mitchell Report was released in Major League Baseball.
Oorah!
BUT…
The 1st iPhone was released. Boom.
Speaking of Pigs…
The 2018 Washington Redskins were disappointing, as always. But that was ONLY because of a rash of injuries. In no way, shape or form is it because we have a tone-deaf owner who hires his unqualified buddies to run the football operation, who then marches out an under-qualified former player to hold a propped up, fake role within the team, serving as nothing more than a buffer to insulate the front office from direct contact and ridicule.
Definitely not that.
Growing up my whole life a DC sports fan, I firmly operate under the assumption that “Due Theory” is a thing. Seeing as the Skins in their hayday had “The Hogs”, and the ball the NFL plays with is AKA the Pigskin, you can’t ignore the fact that the stars have once again aligned for the Redskins.
One is good, but more is better.
I’m not sure if I have made it through a single blog since June without referencing the Washington Capitals, but I don’t care because we are the Stanley Cup Champs and you aren’t.
Also, the Caps were the shining example of due theory working. So take that.
By all accounts, T.J. Oshie is an American hero, and at the Caps championship parade, he led us in a “Back to Back” chant (I can confirm because I am in the 99th percentile of fan quality and was there at the parade).
So just because the Caps were better than everyone else, does that mean they should lay down and allow a new team to hoist the Stanley Cup this year?
Of course not. They have won 10 of 11 to date, and appear well on their way to being a serious Cup contender once again in 2019.
Does that make them selfish? Does that make them a glutton? Perhaps. But 2019 is the year of the Pig, so FEED ME MORE.
Le$$ is more
The Washington Nationals are gearing up for their first season without Bryce Harper, as they made their best and final, and Bryce and his agent said, “No Thanks”. *allegedly*
For the last couple years, all we have heard about in the Nats bubble is how much money we will have to pay Bryce to keep him. And in reality, there can be an argument for or against paying him the 7 trillion dollars he is asking for.
With Juan Soto bursting onto the scene, and a hopefully healthy Eaton, pepper in some Howie Kendrick, Michael Taylor and Robles, the outfield should be just fine.
No one ever accused the Lerner’s of being big spenders, but knowing they aren’t forking out some ridiculous offer to Harper, they have already acquired Starter Patrick Corbin, as well as revamping the catcher position with the acquisition of Yan Gomes and Kurt Suzuki.
If Stras and the rest of the team can stay healthy, the Nats should jump right back into the playoff race next year.
Raise Money for the Wall
Not that wall.
This Wall.
After announcing season-ending heel surgery this past week, the Wizards seem primed and ready for their race for the 8th or 9th seed.
Problem is, it is becoming obvious that paying John Wall $40 mil+ the next 4 years for the production they are getting out of him, paired the fact that he is staring down the barrel at 30 years old, the Wizards are in trouble.
But remember, we gotta connect the invisible dots. So my proposition: GoFundMe.
President Trump can’t get the house democrats to give him his $5 billion to construct the wall, so I know there’s tons of money left in DC to help me with my project.
We just need to start a GoFundMe page to pay John’s salary for the next 4 years, while we trade everyone away on the team except Bradley Beal and completely start over.
That’s a bipartisan, reach-across the aisle if I’ve ever seen one.
In all Seriousness..
All we can ever hope for is health and happiness, cuz the rest of the bullshit really doesn’t mean anything.
As I find myself entering this 29th year of me being on this earth, I have a lot of goals. I need to lose about 15lbs. I always aspire to be a better dad, husband, son, etc. We are about to start building our house, so every bit of good juju is welcome and needed.
If you know me at all, you know I’m not one for new year’s resolutions. It is just a way of making an empty promise to yourself that you won’t keep.
So instead, I invite you all not to try and make a “new you” this year, but rather be the person you are, just a happier version.
And I invite the Redskins, Nats and Wizards to get their shit together and follow the lead of the Caps.
Happy New Year.
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